Is He Really Sorry He Had An Affair?

Can you ever forgive infidelity? Some people are always willing to give their spouse a second chance, others would never give them a second chance. Finding that your spouse is cheating, is a shock

Forgiving Infidelity - Signs That He Is Really Sorry About His Affair

Infidelity is the great relationship killer or mutilator and it's occurrence in a relationship injures that relationship and changes it and the individuals involved. This unfortunately is your reality as infidelity has visited your relationship through your partner's cheating. You do love this man and you want to stay with him but you are unsure whether he is really sorry or if he is just saying sorry so that he can continue in his cheating ways. Forgiving infidelity requires that he is really sorry about his affair but how do you know that he is truly sorry? What are the signs that he is really sorry about his affair?

Was he quick to make things right? A man who is really sorry about his affair will apologize quickly without trying to blame you or circumstances or his partner in crime. He may try to explain what happened but it will be with the aim of making things right with you. He will not let you walk away in anger without expressing his remorse in every way that he knows. A man who tells you that it is your fault or who reacts in anger that you found out or who shrugs of the infidelity or who leaves you alone in your anger for days after the discovery of the affair is NOT really sorry and forgiving his infidelity will be like giving him permission to continue cheating on you. Forgiving infidelity requires your man to be quick in trying to save the situation as this shows his anxiety to deal with the situation quickly because of how much the fallout is affecting him.

Is he anxious to clear his record of the infidelity? A man who is really sorry is concerned about what you think about him and will want you to understand that he is still the same person, despite his lapse in judgment. He will thus try and remind you of better times and of how far you have come as a couple; in a bid to get you to focus on the positive things in your relationship and somehow save the relationship. On the other side will be a man who justifies his affair by telling you of all the things that were wrong with you and the relationship that then pushed him into the affair. This type of guy is not sorry about his infidelity and if you forgive his infidelity then you will open the door to an assortment of affairs with a range of women.

Is he upset at his compromise? A man who is really sorry about his affair will be distressed or troubled by his foolishness in having the affair. It's like he has come to his senses and realized what he has done and what he could loss if he loses you. He is suddenly aware of the quality of gal he had in you and how he simply messed up by having an affair. On the other hand if your man thinks that his affair is no big deal or that he is somehow allowed to cheat on you or that he can always get another gal if this affair upsets you; then this man is NOT sorry! Forgiving infidelity requires that your man is visibly troubled by the affair and what it has done to your relationship.

Does he long to be restored to relationship wholeness? A man who is really sorry feels the impact of his affair and the separation that is an outcome of the affair and he longs to get back to how things were before the affair. He is nostalgic about the 'good old days' and will talk about how great things were and how good you were together before the affair messed things up for both of you. He may even remember happy times or moments that you don't even remember.

Is he ready to do whatever is necessary to make things right? A man who is really sorry is willing to do whatever it takes to make things right with you. He will agree to seek counseling or do whatever he needs to do for both of you to be okay again. You cannot of course make him jump through unreasonable hops if you genuinely want to forgive him. You want him to do whatever it is that would help you come to terms with his affair and its aftermath. Forgiving infidelity requires that your man be willing to make amends to restore the relationship.

Forgiving infidelity is tricky as real forgiveness can only occur if your man is really sorry. If he is not really sorry then forgiveness cannot be given. If you forgive a man who is not really sorry then you open the door to a life of affairs.

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Another article on surviving infidelity

Finding Signs Of Infidelity

The signs of infidelity might be everywhere and you are simply missing them! I believe it's important to trust your instincts. However, before you jump to life changing conclusions, it is important you get all the facts first.

Signs of Infidelity and Surviving It
 
You may have already noticed some areas in your relationship that have been bothering you and you feel you need answers. There may well be no cause for concern. In many cases, a partners suspicions about a spouses infidelity may just be a misunderstanding and can be cleared up very quickly.

However, I am sorry to say that sometimes your intuition may be proven to be spot on.
If this is the case then I am truly sorry for your situation but please allow me to help you with your predicament. I have set out for you below some common telltale signs to look out for if Infidelity Surviving is your goal.

Infidelity appears in quite a few different ways and detecting it in a relationship can be quite complicated. I am sure you may well agree!

Firstly, you will more than likely have an urgent feeling and need to know if your partner is really having an affair. You will also no doubt feel that knowing the signs of infidelity will give you more control over this troublesome situation you have found yourself in.

You will feel that you will gain back control and really have a better understanding when you can identify the signs of infidelity in a relationship. To have knowledge and understanding of each situation is the best way to regain control as the more you understand a situation the faster you will be able to figure out a satisfactory solution.

There are very often some common signs that can indicate and give you a better idea if or when your partner is having an affair. This doesn't categorically mean that your partner is cheating on you as it will vary from person to person, so take this advice as only a few helpful guidelines that could point toward infidelity.

To show you the signs, I would like you to ask yourself these following investigative questions;
1) Does your partner flirt unnecessarily with other people in public?
2) Do you quarrel more often over the subject of sex?
3) Have your partners sexual patterns suddenly altered?
4) Has your partner become distant towards you?
5) Does your partner touch other people more nowadays?
6) Has your partner recently started visiting bars or night clubs more often on their own?
7) Have they started coming home drunk?
8) Do you bicker more often for no real reason?
9) Do you believe your partner is lying to you?
10) Have interactions between both of you got less or worse still ceased?
11) Are disagreements being ignored and not discussed?
12) Does your partner make sexual remarks about others or does he or she make such annotations to other people?
13) Has the topic of separating been brought up more than once recently?
14) Are they often saying how left out they feel, how unloved and unhappy they are with everything?
15) Do you notice that they come home dressed differently to how they were when they went out?

16) Can you really trust your partner?
17) Do you find your partner going to events more and excluding you from the proceedings?

Now, as I mentioned earlier, please take note that some of the observations listed above could have a very reasonable explanation and have nothing to do with infidelity on the part of your partner. Be careful and prudent in your analysis of the situation. There are many things you can do to prevent or even stop an ongoing case of infidelity in your relationship.

Don't suddenly go about blaming all those around you; instead work on a solution to get the love and trust you once had, back into your relationship and if you are having problems, find a way of dealing with them head on. Don't ignore them as they will not go away.

You could use the signs of infidelity in a relationship as a guideline for fixing any problem by turning the situation around and making sure you are both involved in activities outside the home, discuss how you feel more, but do not accuse, simply put your view across in a lighthearted way and try to ascertain if your partner has any love left for you. You will know in your heart what the answer is. Be sure to act on these feelings. Ignoring it will not make it go away. This is a time when will need to be very strong and stand tall. You will be so grateful later on.

Use these tactics well and learn how to address and resolve your problems in your relationship. Infidelity surviving is a tough route, but it is possible if you both want it. After all, isn't your happiness worth just a small amount of effort?

Clara Howard is an expert marriage counselor. For a Free help guide on infidelity surviving please visit Clara's website.

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